Sunday, November 16, 2008



Regret.


I'm feeling terrible ): physically and emotionally.


well for starters, dance yesterday was one of the toughest most gruelling ones i've had so far in RJ. I've never been so exhausted so far, and yes i still am. Laoshi just drilled us over and over again, and its not even near SYF. by the time dance was over, i was just flopping about like some dead fish, and this morning i couldn't drag myself out of bed, and it feels like a broke 2 ribs or something, my abs hurt like crazy. i feel so hopelessly lousy in dance, and i hope i find some confidence or i'd be even worse.


emotionally? well there are so many million factors. yknow one thing that flashes through my mind ever so often nowadays, is regret. i regret doing so many things this year, not only this year but my entire life of course. but if i would, i'd relive this year over again. it's the little things that i've done that make me cringe whenever i think of it, and its making me so upset, i don't even know why.


i wish i had been more sensible, less crazy, and more thoughtful of my surroundings as well as my future. I should've spent more time on my work, dance, my friends, instead of my aimless way of living in the first half of the year. i could've been such a nicer person than i was in this past year to so many people. less bitching, more caring. now when i look back, i was such a critical bitch, i wonder how my friends could stand me.


so i'm so thankful to my friends, each and everyone of you, who stood and still stand by me, for your patience and love. its amazing how you can stand me, when sometimes i cant even stand my own proud, ignorant, selfish, show-off, loud and irritating self.


so that would be one of my resolutions for this coming year 2009: be a nicer person and show more consideration and tact in my actions.



-if you were gonna ask or wondering; no, this entry does not apply to you at all, and i hope you'd stop reading my blog and have anything to do with me from this day on-